Saturday, May 4, 2019

scars

I attended a funeral today. A father to one of my best friends. It's true that I didn't know the man well. Listening to his children speak today, however, made one thing clear: we all have scars. And that somehow binds us all.

I've had my fair share of pain. The brokenness of this world has broken me. And I could list a thousand reasons why I'm not thankful for that; why it makes me angry or sad or hurt... still. I could easily recall how lost and empty I felt. I could still cry.

But... I can list one and ONLY one why I am thankful for the scars: because without them I wouldn't know who Jesus is. Who He REALLY is.

This doesn't dull the pain. And it doesn't nullify it, either. But it has somehow, finally, made it okay. I know, without a doubt, that I have known Jesus in His suffering... in my suffering. And He was there. We were bound before by His infinite mercy and sacrifice, but we are now doubly bound by His compassion and care over me.

My friend's father started a legacy of family and has left them to continue that. And they will. I can't help but wonder if that legacy would have been as strong without the hardships.

Those thousand reasons can bombard me on a daily basis, but when I let that one breathe.... when I give it just enough oxygen to survive - it's enough. On the cross Jesus gave us a legacy of love. A legacy that we get to partake in and carry on. Hardships, hurts, scars... they make it stronger, they bind us.

"I'm thankful for the scars
'Cause without them I wouldn't know Your heart.
And I know they'll always tell of who You are
So forever I am thankful for the scars."

Wednesday, February 6, 2019

Like.....so much.

Some days I wonder how much I really love my children. And then there are days I spend literal HOURS working on 16 feet of tangled and knotted room decor:


And I realize that I love them, like, so much. 

So, yeah, I've pretty much got this parenting thing down.  

Tuesday, October 9, 2018

simple

Do you ever look at your life and think, "Man, I have got it made. Life's not perfect, but I'm enjoying this ride"?

Please tell me what that's like. 

Monday, August 13, 2018

Worst nightmare.

I faced my worst nightmare the other day, guys.

The make-up aisle.

It is the closest thing to hell that my mind can conjure up currently.

I don't know how many of you get paralyzed by excessive choices, but I DO. When I walk into a restaurant for a nice dinner out and they hand me a menu that's really 4 volumes of a freaking World Book Encyclopedia put into one, I go blank. Instant overload. I'm all


I'm not quite sure how to cure that or if it's even possible. All I know is that usually I end up eating whatever Ben has ordered for me. 

But, this time, in the make-up section I was alone. ALONE FOR CRYING OUT LOUD. Did you see the picture???? And that's just ONE of the aisles! Multiple aisles, guys. Multiple. Aisles. Encyclopedia-kind-of-full aisles to choose from. 

*hides head in shame* It took me 45 minutes to pick out a foundation. And all the while I'm coaching myself, "Okay, you can do this. Just breathe. One thing at a time. Don't even look over there." And, let me tell you, that coaching was not happening in my head. Oh no, right out loud. Right in between vol 6 and vol 7 of ALL THE  COLORS between classic ivory and buff beige foundation. 

*whispers* So many colors.

I feel my anxiety rising just thinking about it. I'm truly praying that before I need to buy make-up again a big bag of it appears on my doorstep from some God-sent angel. 

And to make matters worse, I had to choose one of those million colors without a mirror. Let me say that again. I was tasked with choosing the exact color, the only one, the PERFECT one to match my skin tone without a mirror. No pressure, right. If I can't pick what I want to eat for dinner one night how in the name of Kronk am I going to pick out the foundation color I wear on my face every day?!?! Who thinks of this stuff??? Once my tunnel vision semi-cleared enough to hopefully have chosen wisely, I grabbed the first mascara I saw under $10 and ran.

I didn't even get the few other things I needed. One more minute and I would have been on the floor in the fetal position. If not for the choice overload, for the pure shock of prices. I just want to wear a little make-up, I'm not a freaking billionaire! 

So, here's to you weird people who handle choices like it ain't a thang. And to those of us who don't, I'll understand if I see you pulling a Kronk somewhere. It's okay.  

Saturday, August 11, 2018

WIn some/ Lose some


It's Friday night. We've just returned home from taking the kids to the 4-H fair. A trip I was especially able to enjoy because I had the confirmed knowledge that Theodore's nurse would finally be returning to work tonight after 2 1/2 long weeks of vacation. Two and a half weeks of 24/7 Theodore care for me; long nights on the not so comfortable couch, long days because of the long nights. But tonight was THE night.  My bed, my glorious bed awaited. 

And it WAS oh so glorious.

It's Saturday morning. I slept better than I had in, well, 17 days. I go to greet our sorely missed nurse, wanting to ask about her vacation home, but before I can say a word, I hear, in her Tobagonian accent, "I tink you have dose fly eggs all over your kit'en floor."

I did.

But at least I had slept in my own bed.

It's 10:30 am on Saturday morning. The kitchen has been thoroughly scrubbed, washed, vacuumed, cleared out, disinfected, lit and burnt to a crisp. Theodore is the only other person awake. 

Blueberry pancakes are being eaten. Alone. Coffee is being consumed. Alone. And for 2.5 minutes (while Theodore is otherwise occupied) I can enjoy the quiet and the breakfast I have most definitely earned (albeit also had to make). This morning wasn't 100% a win. But last night was and I'll take what I can get.