I don't know what my problem is. Ever since we got to the hospital all I've wanted was to be home. I hate being away from my family. I hate living in a hospital.
But now that I'm here.......
I'm not sure if I build up in my mind how wonderful it will be to see the kids and husband again. Or if I forget about all the normal everday ridiculousness and responsibilities there are. Or maybe I was away just long enough to get used to life that way and now it all gets changed again. I don't know what it is. All I know is that I haven't even been home 24 hours and I'm already FRUSTRATED.
The word that has described my feelings in general since we pulled in the driveway: chaos. Maybe it's because it is slightly chaotic to get Theodore all set up once we get home. Maybe it's because the kids want to tell me and show me everything they've done since I've been gone as soon as I walk in the door. Maybe it's because, even though my house was practically spotless (including the kids rooms - Thank you Sarah and Ashley!!!) when I got home, I still couldn't find any clean forks. Maybe it's because Emma takes forever and a freaking day to tell you one thing. Fruit flies have invaded our kitchen. We are out of trash bags. And my tooth is killing me! Even my poor husband isn't safe - and he's at work! In an effort to help me 'get control', for lack of a better phrase, he offers up simple good advice. What do I hear? "Well, I was able to keep the kids and house in order while you were gone."
I am a crazy person.
I no longer try to avoid that fact. God bless Ben when I'm menopausal because I will be out of control.
Maybe I just need to take a little longer to adjust. Give myself, I don't know, an entire day to get back to normal. Let myself be a little crazy - today, only today. Accept the fact that I'm out of whack for now, take a deep breath and stop. Stop cleaning, organizing, yelling, working. Embrace the fact that I'm home and Theodore is well. Be thankful I am with my family and that I'm not completely off my rocker.... yet.