Thursday, November 17, 2011

It would figure.

I have decided to look at this week as an extended weekend. Not because I'm enjoying all the relaxing, fun, refreshing times one would look forward to on a weekend. No no no. But because I would rather tell myself I had a crappy weekend than an entire crappy week. In my head, this makes me feel just a teensy bit better about it. 


So what has made up this extended crappy weekend? Nothing in particular and EVERYTHING. 


After having a rather traumatic doctors appointment last Thursday Rambo has been non stop coughing, gagging and restless since then. We're talking day and night. 


Mother pussbucket.


And we were doing so well!!! Since Rambo got out of the hospital he was the best he's EVER been. Way less suctioning. Staying level on his oxygen needs, even throughout the night. Happy. Progressing developmentally. And then the doctor decided not only would she put the scope down his nose into his throat and literally bang around to see if she could get a reaction out of him (Uh.... hello???? I guess the 'screaming' and turning blue isn't reaction enough) but it was apparently a good idea to then take out his trach and put the scope directly in his stoma. Let's remember that the trach is the only reason he can breathe. And he's a baby. So leaving that out for any period of time is not a good idea. Especially if you are replacing the hole with a SOLID OBJECT. Welcome back, dark dark blue dusky Rambo. I'd hope to never see you again. And it's not like the doctor did it quickly either. He probably couldn't breathe for a solid 30 seconds. I know these people are 'professionals' and I am not, but are you kidding me?? That was a poor idea and I can guarantee you it will NEVER happen again. I honestly think they forget they are dealing with humans. And there is a time and place for that - that mind set saved his life on several occasions. However - this was not the time or the place.


It was like my dream of having Rambo happy and well was placed right before me. I was living it. And then I get curbed in the back of the head and my dreams are dashed before me just like my teeth on the sidewalk.


I know that sounds dramatic. *In a whiny voice* but that's how it felt... :(


And, of course, our nurse would pick this same week to show up an hour late 2 nights in a row and then not at all the next night.


Also, I ruined hard boiled eggs. Who ruins hard boiled eggs????  I wasted an entire half dozen eggs because of this. I was defeated.


Each day holds a dozen little things that make me want to give up. This has not been my week extended weekend.


And that, my friends, is why I can't yet express my thanks to you for reading and commenting.   I will get there. I promise. Maybe after my 10th cup of coffee. Maybe tomorrow. 


Usually this is where I would say that I will persevere. I'll suck it up and make it through another day. But for today, I'm going to get another cup of coffee, delay homeschool, and let my kids fend for themselves for a while. With the exception of Rambo. Something tells me that wouldn't go too well.






1 comment:

  1. I got tightness in my chest and a lump in my throat reading your post. I remember how horrible I felt when I took my son for an ear infection and they cleaned it out while he screamed "mommy help me". I cried the whole way home just feeling so helpless because I never wanted to sit by and let him go thru pain like that again. I'm so glad your sharing the very hard times with all of us. LIfe is hard, life seems so unfair but we have hope and assurance that Jesus is with us thru it all. Holding us up when we can't seem to take another step. Sorry this is so long but I really am thinking and praying for you and your family many,many times a day. My sister Mac is so blessed to have a son like Ben and a fine daughter in-law. It's ok to cry and break down. That's when I find God so very near. Rest in His lap, His arms and give it all to Him. oxoxoxxoxoo Linda

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