Monday, December 5, 2011

Do you hear what I hear?

Well, if you're Theodore and you're listening with your left ear the answer is no. Yes, folks, that's right. It appears Theodore is deaf in his left ear. 

For the moment.

This is an important fact that I am trying to hold on to. You see, he also has fluid in both ears. Why that is there we don't know, but it could be that the fluid is what is causing his hearing to be poor, nay, nonexistent in the one ear. That is what I am hoping. Can you imagine? Deaf in one ear? I mean, I guess that's better than both ears, but seriously? One more thing? My prayer is that is not the case. 

Today was one of those days where I just couldn't process that information. I'm trying desperately to fight the 'what ifs' and keep the faith, as it were. I'm trying to think positively. I'm trying not to think about all the things Rambo is missing and will miss out on. I'm trying not to get ahead of myself. 

I'm trying.

But tonight as I sit here and wait for our nurse, I am defeated. All the things I am trying not to think about plague my mind. I'm trying to take every thought captive but instead they captivate me. 

So here is my physical deliberate attempt to get control:

It is possible that once the fluid is gone his hearing will improve. As I said before we don't know why the fluid is there; it could be residual from when he was in the hospital, it could always have been there. The question arises - has he ever been able to hear out of that ear? We don't know. The next step is to take him back to Hopkins and have him sedated so they can look more closely at his inner ear. This will be able to tell them what the true issue is. Even though his right ear had fluid in it the *audiologist was still able to get really good responses in that ear. That is good news.

*Yes this is the same audiologist that asked if he could breathe quieter. I'm proud to report that she did not repeat the same offense today. In fact, Theodore did extremely well and barely seemed to notice anything was going on. Of course, I guess him not hearing anything contributed to that fact, but I'll take whatever I can get. 

It's late. I'm tired. Our nurse will soon be here and I will be snuggled up in my electric blanket in no time. That is what I am going to think about tonight as I drift off to that sweet release of sleep.

Goodnight, all.


  1. Dear Amanda, please don't getdown at this point. I have been following Rambo's progress with interest. You have been doing a great mom;s job of loving this special child. May your fortitude never fail. Love, Granny Margy

  2. I have to agree with Granny. You are amazing. I wish I could give you just one night out to feel yourself for a few hours. But I know as a mom you would still worry. I love you and you are an inspiration. He is such an amazing little guy. As for what he is "missing" only you feel that, he feels that he has a pretty good life. And I would have to agree with him. Love you cuz Theresa