Sunday, October 14, 2012

I am an idiot. Part deux.

*Something technologically incorrect is happening with blogger so I'm hoping this will still post.*

I am an idiot. I really really am.  I am a creat-or. I have a creative mind and not so much a technological mind. I am artsy and whimsical. I paint and craft and crochet and take pictures. I don't build machines or know how a vacuum works. And maybe just MAYBE I have problems following directions. I CAN DO THINGS MY OWN SIZE! I can usually figure out my own way to get the end result that I am seeking. 

That may be why baking has never been my forte. Do you know that when you bake you have to do things EXACTLY they way they say or you could mess the whole thing up? That's crazy! Baking is way too technical for me. But I still keep trying like a fool! 

Case and point:

Let me set the scene for you. It's evening. My dishwasher is broken so the counter is cluttered with clean and dirty dishes. I want to make bread. And I'm also trying to make dinner that the kids will inevitably snub their noses at and I will hear "I don't like it" at least 2 times per child. We haven't had homemade bread for awhile and believe it or not I can actually use the bread maker.... usually. So I was looking forward to some homemade bread for the next day.

Scene 1, Act 1- I clean out and dry the loaf pan the bread is baked in.

Act 2- I gather all the ingredients, which I practically know by heart.

Act 3- I put all the ingredients in order into the pan, put it in the machine and press start. Presto. In three hours we'll have fresh bread.

Scene 2 (2 hours later), Act 1- Finish the dinner which only 2 out of the 3 kids hated.

Act 2- Eat my dinner.

Act 3- Eventually clean up the dishes and what to my wondering eyes should appear on the counter? The mixing paddles. To the bread machine. Ugh.

Act 5- Look in the bread machine and see that, indeed, just as I suspected, nothing has mixed and I'm left with watery, sweet mashed potatoes on the bottom and even drier flour on top. 

Act 6- Close the machine and don't look at it again until..... never? 

End scene.

It's true. I haven't even looked at it again. And I really don't look forward to cleaning it up. 

Example numero dos:

Tonight. Cookie baking! I found a great recipe online- double chocolate- who can say no to that? Let the fun begin! But, in truth, the trouble began upon looking at the recipe. And I'm going to be honest here so I hope you all get a good laugh in at my expense. I found the recipe on a blog and the girl had just bought her first KitchenAid mixer. She mixes the wet ingredients first. Then she moves onto the dry ingredients and says to whip them until they become a meringue. No lie- my first thought was "No way. KitchenAid mixers are great. I didn't know dry ingredients could be mixed into a meringue. I hope my little handheld electric mixer can do that. And also I really need to get a KitchenAid." I seriously wish I were kidding. 

I SERIOUSLY wish I were kidding.

Fast forward 10 minutes or so and I'm trying to whip powdered sugar and cocoa into a meringue. 

What was I thinking?? My entire kitchen is covered in an incredibly fine layer of powder. 

And the worst part is (okay, maybe not the worst part- that was pretty bad) that I had finally convinced myself that my Proctor Silex handheld electric mixer was certainly no KitchenAid, when I saw my entire bowl of wet ingredients just sitting there. And I ran over to the recipe to see what I was supposed to do with them and I couldn't find them anywhere on there!! 

I bet I don't have to tell you why.... 

That's when I realized that I am a big fat baking failure. And also an idiot. In case you didn't know it- you can't mix dry stuff into a meringue. It doesn't work. I dare say it's impossible. 

The good news is that it was salvageable and I am left with some darn good double chocolate cookies.

Unfortunately for me I will probably try again but not have learned my lesson at all. Instructions are for people who don't know what they're doing- not me.       

1 comment:

  1. I'm not sorry I'm laughing <3 But I do love you! and you can paint like nobody's business! :)