Tuesday, November 6, 2012

For ME?

It's my husband with a child on his side, myself and my mother in law walking down a long empty corridor. We turn and as soon as we do we see the entire hallway blocked by what is almost a cloud from the floor to the ceiling. It's gray and smokey-like and appears to be 'emanating' from this huge hooded being in the center. We can't make out anything except an enormous gray robe shadowing the face. 

And it calls us to come its way.

It's terrifying and soul shaking but somehow not peace stealing. So my mother in law takes the first step and I follow. And there are a few moments spent holding our breath because we don't know what's coming. Then from behind this huge shadowed creature, or maybe just from it, comes a tall beautiful black woman with braids to the floor. And she comes right up to us with all this joy and is dancing right in front of me. Arms up, spinning, smiling saying over and over again "We're breaking open the gates! We're breaking open the gates!" And I don't know what she means but I know it's good. I wish she would say more, but she really says enough. And I feel her joy.

That is the dream I had in those 12 short hours we were home with Theodore this summer. Coincidence, right? I instantly wake searching for what this could mean and minutes later Ben comes in the room and says that Theodore is going downhill.

As I stood outside his PICU room for hours later that day and the following days by his bedside I couldn't help but feel like God was saying that he was taking Theodore. And try as I might, I couldn't see it apart from that dream. It wasn't so much that Theodore was leaving me but that God, in all His glory, was coming down through those gates and getting him. And I knew it was special. And though it was HARD I committed Theodore to God, accepting His will because that dream had given me just a glimpse of His love for my child. 

And as the week passed and Rambo was still with us and finally starting to make progress I was incredibly happy. But also incredibly confused. Could God have done all this just to see if I was willing to give him up? Maybe.... but then why the dream? And then I realized.....

Maybe God was saying that He, the Lord strong and mighty, was breaking open the gates to intervene in MY life. Not to take Theodore but to be strong and mighty for ME. Maybe He had shown me a glimpse of how much He loves ME.

And I don't know how to deny a love like that.

7 Lift up your heads, O gates!
And be lifted up, O ancient doors,
that the King of glory may come in.
Who is this King of glory?
The Lord, strong and mighty,
the Lord, mighty in battle!
Lift up your heads, O gates!
And lift them up, O ancient doors,
that the King of glory may come in.
10 Who is this King of glory?
The Lord of hosts,
he is the King of glory.
I haven't thought of that dream in well over a month. It just came to me yesterday as I was driving Theodore home from an appointment. His eye appointment which left us with yet another 'thing' to do. Rambo is almost solely favoring his left eye which means we have to patch it everyday for 1-2 hours. I just sighed at the thought of one more thing to do, one more thing to make him unhappy, one more thing to remember, one more thing that is wrong with him..... 

And God gently reminded my heart that He Himself has opened the gates of communication and communion with Him. Why would I want to put up my own? Be steadfast. Remember that ALL things work together for the good of those who love Him. 

So bring it on, eye patch. You've got nothing. 
 NaBloPoMo November 2012

1 comment:

  1. Wow girlfriend! Just wow! God gives us the path He wants us to travel, then He makes sure we know that He want to live it in us,through up....for us! His power made perfect in our weakness.....what a deal! What a blessing. You bless mexooxoxoxxo <><