Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Language and Adult Content.

This post may not be appropriate for all viewers. Viewer discretion is advised because I'm not sure how well I'll be able to hold my tongue. So, if you are a child- stop now. Go tell your mommy I have lost my mind and don't look back. 

I'll start with the good news. We are home!! We got home Monday evening. Hematology gave the go ahead to pull the central line over the weekend and by Sunday Theodore was back to baseline everything. Monday came and almost went with us still in the hospital waiting for his blood thinner prescription, but thanks to his great nurse that day (Thank you, Tamieka!) she was able to figure out a way to get us home sooner. She even went down to the pharmacy herself to pick it up for us. 

Of course the usual chaos ensued at home of unpacking and organizing and cleaning and blah blah blah. Thankfully Ben had cleaned the house for our return so that part was a great welcome home. I will never understand the emotional highs and lo's of getting back from the hospital. Everyone is so amped and excited which causes for bickering and crying and stress.... but things have finally evened out and we are adjusting

UNTIL...... (this is the unrated part.)


My effing already hurt toe.

I'm not sure if I have ever mentioned my toe before because it's been a while since I hurt it - because I protect it like it's super fragile gold. I am always on the lookout of any danger constantly saying "Watch the toe!" Long story short: I majorly hurt my toe when Ruthie was born. From that point on it has been my weakest link. I have dislocated it several times, broken it, chipped the bone and have a bone cyst. I can't jump without shoes on. I can't get a regular foot massage. You can barely look at the thing without hurting it. Last night, I hit it HARD on Theodore's wooden rocker. Each time it get hurts, as dumb as it is, it is truly incapacitating. Excruciating pain goes through my entire foot. I have to crawl ever so carefully around the house. You can't even jostle my leg without sending shooting pain through it. It is a nightmare. 

How in the world that damn rocker picked that one toe I will never know. There's an entire foot it could have hit! That's quite a bit of real estate, but it chose the one spot that would leave me writhing. 


It was 10pm so Ben was at work, the kids were all asleep (except Theodore which meant standing as long as I could on the other leg coaxing him to sleep only to not quite get him there and have to sit.... starting the entire process over again.) I crawled up the steps on my hands and knees last night once the nurse got here. Iced and ib'd up and it's almost bearable.  I've been prescribed vicodin and other such meds for it before but nothing quite touches it completely.

I'm not going to lie: I have seriously considered amputating the thing. My plan was to get it cut off, put it on a necklace and wear it all the time as a trophy of my victory over that damn toe. It can not keep me down!!

Except that it does. Every single time I hurt it. And it keeps me down for at least a week, usually more. I'm stuck with just letting it heal awkwardly on its own over time so that I can damage it again at some point and start the whole awful process from the beginning again. I really think one day it just might come off by itself; break the already weak bone clean through, if it isn't already, and then it will just be hanging on by skin and some other stuff that I'm sure isn't that important. At which point I will take a pair of snips and just get rid of it myself.

Ben came home this morning with a coffee, an ice pack, and some tape. He buddy taped my toe, put me in a boot to protect it, and carried me downstairs. Good man. I wish he was super human and could go without sleep. 

I really wonder how in the world my life could get more difficult. Of course I wondered that yesterday and BAM. Oh yeah.. I guess that's how. 

Maybe there is an end in sight.

I'm trying not to let this steal the joy away from being home but the only thing I can think is "Ouch!" We will survive. I'm sure. We have up til now. In the meantime I'm hoping to make as few trips across the house as possible and keep my feet up- literally. School and housework will just have to wait. Again. 

*I held my tongue pretty well.  



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