Guys, I have a confession to make. Here goes......
I threw out all my houseplants.
There. I've said it. All of them are gone save for an aloe, because God bless it that plant lives through anything, and a dying orchid just because I can't give up on that one yet.
They're all gone. Including a plant I've had practically since we got married almost 12 years ago. I abandoned it on the deck to fend for itself and it finally gave in to the terrible conditions. It's dead. Dead dead. (Note: I am in NO way saying that it's a picture of our marraige.... or AM I??? )
It was time. Time to go out with the old; the dearly beloved, close to my heart, old. They sat and looked at me every time I walked into the kitchen with their sad droopy dry leaves and asked me why I no longer loved them. I could never answer. The truth is that I still loved them. I still do! Even though they are now compost. But I had to let them go. And now, the guilt they brought me from their presence is gone (for the most part) and it's quite freeing.
This may seem so silly to some of you. You may be wondering how someone could be so torn by plants. But I really loved them. I loved having green and life and nature inside my home. I loved the look and the feel. I loved the comfort and the familiarity and even the smell.
But I couldn't keep them anymore. They unfortunately only represented clutter and another responsibility. It was time.
So I said farewell, old friends. You've been pleasant and a happy place for me. I'll miss you. And then I realized I was talking to plants and the whole relationship was totally one sided; and I chucked them.
I've got to be honest---- I've only missed them a little tiny bit. I more miss the idea of them. The what-it-could-be part. I remember the happy days when they were, you know, alive and it hurts that I'm not in the right place in my life to keep them and care for them and enjoy them. What I do know is that now they aren't that constant reminder of what things used to be like. What I used to have time for.
My house feels cleaner, less cluttered, and alive. And I hope that maybe one day I'll be able to enjoy plant life inside my home again.