Monday, May 14, 2018


I'm 20 stories up stepping out of the window that's almost as tall as myself. The adjacent building is so close I can almost reach out and touch it. In fact, I am certain I could make it through the open window facing me with just a jump. But I can't. The powers that be do not allow it. Instead, I have to walk a tight rope that I'm not entirely certain will even hold me. All the while people from the surrounding rooms are throwing anything they can find at me to trip me up, make me lose my balance and retreat back into the room from whence I came. 

Hours upon hours are spent here, nay, days upon days; until the thought of falling to my death is far more appealing than sitting on the stupid phone any longer to coordinate one more doctor's appointment for Theodore. 

I would literally rather fall to my death. I'm not sure I could explain it any more clearly. 

I- would rather- die. 

I don't know whether it's bureaucracy or stupidity that makes it so difficult. Probably a little of both, but it really doesn't matter. There is no getting around it, no jumping is allowed. There should be a sign that says "Common sense not permitted."

Thankfully we are to the stage where the appointments and trips are far fewer than just a year ago. It still isn't something you get used to, or find less annoying over time, however. Actually, it is the exact opposite. 

Follow-up reminders that appointments are due come in the mail and while I peer out at the stupid tight rope knowing I have to make my trillionth trip, death quietly whispers to me, "Just jump."   

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