Friday, August 10, 2018

Game-changer

Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
for they shall be satisfied. - Matthew 5:6

O God, you are my God; earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you;
my flesh faints for you, as in a dry and weary land where there is no water.
Thus I have seen you in the sanctuary beholding your power and glory.
My soul will be satisfied....
Psalm 63:1-2, 5

Sometimes I feel like I'm doing it all wrong. All of it. No matter how hard I work towards accomplishing something, it inevitably falls short in one way or another. I have been weighed. I have been measured. And I have been found wanting. Over and over again. Whether it's parenting or wife-ing (????) or teaching or organizing - you name it, I claim it. And even if all goes smoothly I'm left with a feeling of frustration or emptiness, wondering why I even put my hand to it in the first place. Did it really matter? I mean.. let's be honest. Did it REALLY matter? 

Because if I were doing it right there would be satisfaction, some feeling of accomplishment, some sense of peace. Right? So this emptiness and unworthiness and uselessness are my fault. There is no peace here.  

And those verses that seem like they should bring comfort instead bring condemnation. I'm doing it all wrong. I don't thirst for God enough. I don't desire Him enough. I don't love Him enough. That's why there's no peace. That's why I'm not satisfied.

But.

What if I haven't been doing anything wrong only understanding this all wrong?

What if those "thirst for" verses are not about "need tos" but about "already ares." The void isn't because we aren't thirsting enough for God but the void IS the thirst. 
"Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness for they shall be filled." Maybe in other words, blessed are you who feel empty and along for God alone will fill you. 

We already have the thirst naturally. We need to learn to quench it- actually. Or, more appropriately,  we need to LET IT BE QUENCHED. In the only place it can be. By the only One who can.

"He created us to need Him even when all we want to need is ourselves." - Sara Hagerty

Holler. Amen. Hands up.  If I could just DO more, HAVE more, BE more I would be filled.

We can't.

We will never be enough. The world and all it holds will never be enough.

 "Jesus said to her, 'Everyone who drinks of this water {the deep physical, earthly well} will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty again. The water that I will give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.'" John 4: 13-14

All my striving will get me nothing. Take that in. Breathe and let the pressure go. But my thirst naturally can be quenched actually by only One. 

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